Tag Archives: self-sabotage

Post-Op Week 95: Good Enough is Good Enough

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When is good enough good enough?
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Post-Op Week 70 Progress Report: 5K Finisher and Being Tired

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Not terribly pleased with the scale this week, but it’s all my own doing.  And it needs to stop.

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Being Different to Be Like Everyone Else

The other day at my therapist’s office, I was talking about this post I wrote, in which a polo shirt became a symbol of finally being just like everyone else.

Somehow the conversation turned to my upcoming trip to Kansas City to grade AP exams, being out of my element and having to learn to get some measure of control in an eating environment I have little control over with regard to food choice, portion size, and frequency of feeding.  I mentioned that I planned to take a small food scale and quarter-cup measuring cup in an attempt to better control what I ate each day.  I also mentioned I was a little uneasy about this because it would look odd to others.  Even though I’m now built differently than others on the inside, I want so much to look like everyone else on the outside, right down to my eating behaviors.  I want to fit in.  I want to be like everyone else.

But even though I’m looking more and more like everyone else, I’m still not the same as everyone else.

I’m missing 75% of my stomach.  I’m restricted by my anatomy from eating a full plate of food.  I leave food behind.  A LOT.  I count every protein and carb gram.  I take 2 multivitamins and 2 calcium supplements daily.  I take a magnesium supplement 3 times a week.  I take an iron supplement 4 times a week and a B12 supplement once a week.  I count every calorie that passes my lips.  I’m learning to run again after not being able to do it for 21 years.

I’m not just like everyone else.

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FATigue

Behavioral fatigue, I has it.

Behavioral fatigue is the official term for that time when you get tired of implementing a behavior so you start to slack off a little because you think, “Oh, but I’ve been doing this for so long and I’m just tired of it.”

But in all reality, it hasn’t been all that long.  It’s only been 8 months (including the time when I began the pre-op diet).

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It Doesn’t Get Old But It Will Fade, and Then What?

“You look really good!”
“You are looking awesome!”
“You are doing such a good job!”

Hearing these things definitely does NOT get old.

I have heard these things more this week than I ever have.  But I suppose when you lose nearly 140 pounds, work in a school with a faculty that numbers nearly 400, and don’t see them very often, it’s bound to happen sooner than later. Continue reading

December Weight Goal Met and Unexpected NSVs

I’ve been away from the blog for a couple of days and a couple of NSVs have happened since the last time I wrote:

  • I hit my December weight goal well before the 31st–I hit it yesterday morning.  While it would be awesome to drop another 10 pounds before January 2 (my 6-month followup appointment), I don’t think it’s going to happen.  But I’d like to get pretty damned close.
  • Then this morning, I noticed this:
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My belly is about 5″ away from the steering wheel here, and my seat is moved up about halfway. At this time last year, my belly was about an inch away, and my seat was pushed all the way back. If it were more comfortable for my legs, I’d move my seat up a bit more.

So those things were awesome and worth celebrating.

It’s the end of the semester and I have been grading student work like a fiend.  My aversion to grading has caught up to me so now I’m frantically trying to get it all done.  So tomorrow morning after I head to the gym to work out for an hour or so, I’ll be sitting on my ass all day working my way through a very giant pile of grading so that I can get a little rest on Sunday, write my final exam, and cook some meals to get ready for the upcoming week.

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