This post is going to be fairly brief, as things around these parts are crazy busy these days. But the crazy busy is in a good way. So I’ll do a quick drive-by update with bullet points, because it’s about all I have time for right now.
- Gallbladder surgery went well. My recovery was smooth and uneventful. I did learn at my follow-up appointment that my gallbladder had stopped ejecting bile properly, and as a result, cholesterol and bile had accumulated on the inside walls of the sac. As my surgeon said, “It was definitely time for it to come out.” So it’s good that I had the surgery when I did.
- I also learned that I no longer have a fatty liver. When I had my gallbladder removed, my surgeon did a liver biopsy, as the lab work I had done on my trip to the ER in June gave him cause to want to poke around there. The path report revealed that I no longer had evidence of fatty liver disease. This is huge, given that on the day of my sleeve surgery a little over 2 years ago, my liver had 60% fatty infiltration. My surgeon was thrilled to learn that my fatty liver had been resolved by my WLS.
- Looks like I’ll be having more surgery this year. UGH. My right knee has decided it’s had enough of being patched together with a neoprene brace. I’m looking at getting it scoped over Christmas so that I can have 2 weeks off my feet, and more importantly, 2 weeks with someone around who can help me! And depending on what happens with my shoulder, there may be yet another surgery in the cards for me this year. My left shoulder has decided it’s had enough and can’t even. So I will be heading BACK to the ortho to find out what the hell is going on with my shoulder once I get back from being out of town this week.
- Regain is real, y’all. So for those of you who are early on in the process of having WLS, or who have just had it, please don’t delude yourselves into thinking, “I’m going to lose this weight FOREVER!!!!” or say stuff like “That’s ______ pounds gone FOREVER!!!!” Or at the very least, don’t say those things without realizing that while yes, losing the weight as a result of surgical intervention is fast and seemingly easy, keeping it off is much, much more difficult. I’ll be real with y’all–I’ve gained back about 35 pounds this past year (scary, huh?). I know exactly why and how, and I’ve decided to go back to a devil I know to lose it. I’ll be starting Weight Watchers online next week in an attempt to get back down to the weight I was at this time last year. I felt good, I looked good, I slept better, and I moved around better. I need the structure that the WW program provides because clearly I can’t provide it for myself right now. Also? All I have ever tried to do in my life is lose weight. I’ve never known how to maintain it. Losing weight is something I am good at; maintenance is not. I’m scared I’ll never learn how to maintain a weight I can live with. So in the meantime, I’ll be back to weight loss mode so that I can at least have a shot at feeling good about how I look and feel again.
Well, that’s all I’ve got time for…work and meal prep are calling.
Posted in challenges, dealing with regain, frustrated fat, la guerra, planning, post-op, post-op life, reflections, self-care, self-image
Tagged behavioral fatigue, being authentic, being real, benefits of wls, big things, challenges, changes, cooking, dealing with regain, fighting biology, fighting the fat girl, gallbladder removal, knee issues, la guerra, maintenance, moar surgery!, NSV's, oh behave!, orthopedic issues, post-op, post-op life, reflections, regain, self-care, self-image, shit is hard, surgery, the sleeve, the struggle is real, VSG, vsg realness, weight loss surgery, weight watchers, what's up doc?, WLS
This past week, I joined millions of others in the world who walk around without a gallbladder. Do I feel better without it? Probably. I wasn’t miserable before it came out, but when 4 doctors in 2 years tell you it needs to come out, it probably needs to come out. So I had it done.
The surgery went well, thank goodness because I was really nervous about it. It was a good thing I had it done. Apparently, my gallbladder loved my intestines so much that it was stuck to them, which caused my surgery to be a bit longer than planned. So removing it was a good plan, as this could have caused bigger problems later on had I delayed the procedure.
I was sent home the same afternoon. In by 10 am, out by 4 (I take a long time to recover from anesthesia, apparently). I was home and resting comfortably by 5, able to eat soup by 7 that night with minimal nausea. I’ve done pretty well since, but I’ve also kept my food pretty bland and low-fat. No major issues, just a bit of soreness at the largest incisions (not unexpected). I stopped taking my pain meds Thursday night as I haven’t needed them since. Besides, narcotic pain medication has some pretty undesirable side effects–itching and constipation to name a couple–so when I am placed on them, I take them for as short a time period as I can bear. I’ve been fine without them since. I’m on restricted lifting (nothing heavier than a jug of milk), and working out is off until next month so I won’t be back in the gym until September. I want to make sure my abdominal muscles have healed sufficiently so that I don’t cause myself to have a hernia (Lord knows I can’t afford another frickin’ surgery–this “pray you don’t get sick health plan” is bullshit, but that’s a post for another time and place).
I did have a few revelations the day of my surgery, though.
Posted in challenges, frustrated fat, la guerra, oh behave!, post-op, post-op life, reflections, self-image, the body is a funny thing, the sleeve, vsg, weight loss surgery, what's up doc?
Tagged abdominal binder, another surgery, being authentic, being real, challenges, cholecystectomy, frustrated fat, gallbladder, gallbladder removal, head trip, la guerra, little celebrations, moar surgery!, no regrets, NSV's, perspective, post-op eating, self-image, shit is hard, side effects of WLS, the body is a funny thing, the sleeve, VSG, vsg realness, weight loss surgery, what's up doc?, WLS, work that head game
A childhood friend shared this with me today. In light of my moving toward acceptance of the body I am currently in, I thought it would be good to post it here for posterity’s sake.
I remember a time when I longed for the body I have, and how I didn’t think I’d ever get what I have now. Now I’m here and struggling to love what is.
It is not constructive to want what I am not and what I cannot be or have because of my biology.
It’s time to stop fighting the genetic deck that is stacked against me and to accept what is.
It’s time to embrace the me that has become. It’s time to accept the me that is.
I will love this incarnation of me. As hard as this is, I will love this me, with all her imperfections, scratches and dents.
I will love the rolls, ripples, varicose veins, wrinkles and the stretch marks. I will love the curves and bumps, the saggy, the baggy, the bones that jut out, and the tendons I more readily see under my skin.
I will love this version 2.0, and I will accept it as me.
If I don’t love this me, it will be hard for others to love it too.
Posted in la guerra, post-op life, reflections, self-image, the sleeve, vsg, weight loss surgery
Tagged acceptance, la guerra, love thyself, loving me, positive self-talk, reflections, self acceptance, self-image, VSG, vsg realness, work that head game
It’s been a couple of weeks since I updated anything regarding post-op life, so here is one.
Posted in challenges, choices, dealing with regain, fighting biology, frustrated fat, goals, head trips, la guerra, oh behave!, post-op, progreso, progress report, reflections, regain, self-image, the body is a funny thing, the sleeve, vsg, weight loss surgery, WLS
Tagged acceptance, being happy with who you are, challenges, fighting the fat girl, gallbladder, goals, good enough, head trip, I am awesome, I am NOT perfect, I'm not perfect, la guerra, love thyself, moar surgery!, oh behave!, post-op life, progreso, progress report, reflections, self acceptance, self-image, she's got skillz, shit is hard, sleeve gastrectomy, the body is a funny thing, the sleeve, VSG, vsg realness, WLS, work that head game
I haven’t felt much like taking pictures of myself the past couple of weeks because I haven’t made any progress. If anything, I have regressed.
With regard to my self-care, this is how I have felt the past few months. I am trying hard to plant my feet in the “I am failing” camp rather than the “I am a failure” camp. I am failing myself right now but am trying to take small steps back toward being successful again. I don’t see myself as a failure yet, which is good. But I know I am failing. And rather than pretend like everything is sunshine and rainbows along this path to health, I’m just going to say it: I’ve sucked at taking care of myself the past 6 months. There, I said it.
I AM NOT DOING WELL RIGHT NOW.
Posted in challenges, frustrated fat, head trips, post-op life, reflections, regain, self-image, vsg, weight loss surgery, WLS
Tagged behavioral fatigue, being authentic, being real, body image, challenges, choices, dealing with regain, failing but not a failure, fear, fighting the fat girl, frustrated fat, la guerra, life happens, oh behave!, post-op life, reflections, self-awareness, self-image, shit is hard, sleeve gastrectomy, the body is a funny thing, the sleeve, the struggle is real, VSG, vsg realness, WLS, work that head game
I won’t lie, I didn’t take a picture this week in my usual outfit. I am also up this week. Way up. I know what I did–grazed, and ate way more than I should have. I’ll pick up again next week and take care of business.
Next week will be better. It has to be. I did decide this week to continue on with more vegetables and fruits since I like the way I feel when I eat them. So today I had calabacitas (zucchini, corn and garlic cooked in a chicken broth with a little cheese), grapes, a mandarin orange, a green salad with strawberries and almonds, and some hummus on red leaf lettuce. Tomorrow I’m having almost the same stuff, just adding carrot chips to the mix.
Saturday night, my school had its senior prom. I’d chaperoned it before, and decided that I would do it again. The group of seniors that I teach this year and I are pretty close. I adore all of them, even the difficult ones, and so I wanted to share this milestone with them.
Not gonna lie, I was stylin’.
Posted in frustrated fat, head trips, la guerra, post-op, post-op life, progreso, progress report, reflections, self-image, the little things, the sleeve, vsg, weight loss surgery, werk!
Tagged being authentic, being real, benefits of wls, challenges, choices, confidence, excavating the crap, fashion, fashionista, frustrated fat, head trip, I feel pretty, la guerra, meal planning, post-op eating, post-op life, progreso, progress report, reflections, regain, self-image, shit is hard, sleeve gastrectomy, the body is a funny thing, the sleeve, veggies!, VSG, vsg realness, werk!, why no I'm not bitter, WLS
Slow and steady wins the race, right? This week I went veggie heavy and it seems to have paid off. So I’ll be doing that again this week too. I really like how I feel when I eat veggies, so this will be something that I continue to do.
Posted in choices, cooking, dealing with regain, eating, frustrated fat, goals, habits, la guerra, meal planning, oh behave!, post-op, post-op life, progreso, progress report, reflections, self-image, the body is a funny thing, the sleeve, vsg, weight loss surgery
Tagged body image, eating, fighting the fat girl, goals, la guerra, meal planning, mind.blown, mindfuck, planning for success, post-op, post-op eating, post-op life, progreso, progress report, self-image, she's got skillz, shit is hard, sleeve gastrectomy, the body is a funny thing, the sleeve, VSG, vsg realness, what is normal?, WLS, work that head game