Tag Archives: life happens

Post-Op Week 97: Failing vs. Failure

I haven’t felt much like taking pictures of myself the past couple of weeks because I haven’t made any progress.  If anything, I have regressed.

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With regard to my self-care, this is how I have felt the past few months. I am trying hard to plant my feet in the “I am failing” camp rather than the “I am a failure” camp.  I am failing myself right now but am trying to take small steps back toward being successful again.  I don’t see myself as a failure yet, which is good.  But I know I am failing.  And rather than pretend like everything is sunshine and rainbows along this path to health, I’m just going to say it: I’ve sucked at taking care of myself the past 6 months.  There, I said it.

I AM NOT DOING WELL RIGHT NOW.

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Post-Op Week 91: What I Deserve

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Funerals are a hell of a way to start a week.  Mourning + ovulation + work stress + general IDGAFery = up this week.  Thankfully, this week does not look to be terribly stressful, especially as side projects wind down and I can finally get back to the business of taking care of myself the way I deserve to.

This just keeping my head above water business isn’t cutting it, and I’m tired of just getting by.  That’s what it feels like I’ve done this year so far.  I deserve so much more than just getting by.  I don’t “just get by” in other areas of my life, so why when it comes to me is it acceptable?

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Post-Op Week 86: Waving the White Flag, For Now

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I think my doctors were right.  The weight range I’m in now is probably a good weight for me.  For the past 3 months, I have bounced back and forth, up and down around the same weight on the scale, and I am discouraged.  I feel like I have disappointed myself.  I’m not giving up this fight, but I’m not giving it my best, and I know it.

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Post-Op Week 67 Progress Report: Injuries and the Thigh Gap

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Slowly headed back down toward my lowest adult weight again this week.  I’m not stressing about the scale this week because I took measurements today and I’m down another 6 3/8 inches all around for a total of nearly 125 inches lost.  So I guess when people say ‘you are really tiny,’ I really AM tiny.  I have a tough time conceptualizing this about myself because I’ve never been small.  And now I am.  It’s trippy.

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Post-Op Week 65 Progress Report: Life Happens

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This week sees me doing the weight loss cha-cha yet again.  The week was full of challenges stemming from the fact that we are currently a one vehicle household since my car decided last Monday that it had had enough and it was time for a permanent parking spot in the garage in the sky.  I was also dehydrated from yesterday’s trip to the State Fair, which saw me not drinking nearly as much water as I normally do.  But it also saw me walk nearly 6 miles without tiring, and most of that at a pretty good clip.  I couldn’t have done that last year.

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Good News and Not Eating the Feels

Finally got the results of my gallbladder ultrasound today.

No stones, no sludge, no inflammation, so no surgery.  At least not now.

But I was told I have a small polyp in my gallbladder.  Nothing to worry about, I was told.

I did ask that in the event I had to have my gallbladder out, who would do my surgery.  I was told that any of the surgeons in my doctor’s practice could do it.  I said, good because I like you guys.  And I do–I’m quite fond of all the doctors in my surgeon’s practice.

So that’s the one piece of good news I’ve received in the past few days.  I have a visitation and funeral to attend this week for a former student who was killed last Friday, and I’m still awaiting word on when a memorial service will be held for my father’s wife, who lost her battle with cancer last Wednesday.   I also have a banquet tomorrow night for a club I sponsor at school, which is a desserts party.  I’ve already planned how I’m going to handle it:  eat dinner right before so I’m not tempted to graze on the cupcakes, cookies and cake balls that I know will be there.  I am going to have one cupcake though, and I am going to make sure I walk at least 7500 steps during the day.  I’ve got this.

The overarching goal this week is to not eat all the feels.  I’m trying super hard to avoid stress eating, which is one of my downfalls.  I’m 12 pounds from Dr. Nicholson’s expectation for my weight loss.  I’d love to hit that before I head to Kansas City in June.  I know I’ll get there before I see him for my 1-year post-op in July, but I’d like to be well past his goal for me by the time I see him on July 10.

I’ve got this.

 

Dogpaddling In The Deep End

is how I feel as of late.

There is simply so much going on in my life both at work and at home, and I’m trying to juggle both of those worlds while trying to keep myself afloat and it’s hard.

I got a call from my PCP’s office today.  She wants to discuss my recent bloodwork with me.  Why do I get the feeling that my liver enzymes were high again?  I mean, that’s the reason I had to go back to have the test redone in the first place.

This means I will have to go in for an ultrasound on my gallbladder to make sure there aren’t any stones.  She said she’d be obligated to send me for one.

SHIT.

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