Monthly Archives: June 2015

Accepting the Me that Is

Epicurus--do not spoil

A childhood friend shared this with me today.  In light of my moving toward acceptance of the body I am currently in, I thought it would be good to post it here for posterity’s sake.

I remember a time when I longed for the body I have, and how I didn’t think I’d ever get what I have now.  Now I’m here and struggling to love what is.

It is not constructive to want what I am not and what I cannot be or have because of my biology.

It’s time to stop fighting the genetic deck that is stacked against me and to accept what is.

It’s time to embrace the me that has become.  It’s time to accept the me that is.

I will love this incarnation of me.  As hard as this is, I will love this me, with all her imperfections, scratches and dents.

I will love the rolls, ripples, varicose veins, wrinkles and the stretch marks.  I will love the curves and bumps, the saggy, the baggy, the bones that jut out, and the tendons I more readily see under my skin.

I will love this version 2.0, and I will accept it as me.

If I don’t love this me, it will be hard for others to love it too.

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Post-Op Week 102: Acceptance and Moving Forward

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It’s been a couple of weeks since I updated anything regarding post-op life, so here is one.

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Post-Op Week 100: 100 Days of Summer

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My 100 days of summer started yesterday.  I donned my summer uniform (tan, shorts, polo or t-shirt, sandals of some sort) and spent most of the day outside with my husband.  Getting to spend time in the sun has done wonders for me.  I am happier than I have been in a while, and dare I say, hopeful about what this summer is going to bring.

I’ve gained weight back.  I know this.  I see it in the picture above.  I feel it in how snugly my jeans and skirts fit these days.  I feel it in how clingy my t-shirts are around my midsection.   I know this because  I’m puffy in places I haven’t been puffy in quite some time.  I’m not pleased with this, but I know what needs to happen, and I’m working on the steps I need to take to right myself.

I’ve revised my goal weight, because I think that my original goal is unreachable and unreasonable.  Without plastic surgery to remove the extra skin around my belly, I will always have a gut and the love handles to match.  This is a hard and fast fact of life.  It is something I am going to have to learn to accept, whether I want to or not.  It is also something I am going to have to learn to tone up so that it’s not quite so inner tube-y.  I have my age and aging skin working against me as well.  I will simply have to do the best I can with what I have.

I am also going to have to figure out new movement goals for myself, since my original goals will not be attainable given the health of my knees.  I will likely never be able to play tennis or softball again.  I will also likely not be able to run again.  Both of these things are heartbreaking to me, as they were all things I’d hoped to be able to do once I lost weight.  And now that my knees are in terrible shape (well not NOW, they always were; it’s just way more evident now), I have to find new movement goals to aim at.  It’s tough because I am still so set on wanting to do the things I’d originally set out to do, and now I cannot do them.  It infuriates me, and aiming for other movement goals makes me feel like I’ve settled.  And I don’t like to settle for anything.

The plan for these 100 days of summer is to spend as much time as possible in the sun, the pool and the gym.  I need to recharge my batteries, reset my behavior, and rejuvenate my soul.  I need to clear my head of all the obstacles I’ve placed in front of Me 2.0 so that she can get to her new goal.