Post-Op Week 89: Lessons From the Reset

Well, the reset got me back down to my pre-Christmas weight, which is good.  I had to relearn the things I learned during that pre-op period, which were tough.  My doctor’s plan was very strict as pre-op plans go, so I knew the week was going to be hard.

The week was rough, especially the first few days because my headaches were intense.  I’d expected that, though since I was dialing back both carbs and calories by drinking 2-3 protein shakes a day and only eating one real meal.  I say 2-3 shakes a day because about mid-week, I got to the point where I simply could not stomach another damn shake, so I simply didn’t eat or drink anything but water or tea.   I was tired all week, and thankfully I was NOT hangry (which would have been easy enough to be as last week was the week my period came).  But I was intensely hungry all week long even though I was getting over 100 grams of protein daily.  And this was not head hunger, either.  This was real, painful, physical hunger–my stomach actually ached as it growled and basically protested that it wasn’t being fed enough.  I didn’t enjoy going to bed each night with gnawing, physical hunger.  I knew that my body wasn’t getting enough calories, and I could feel it.  Living this way is not sustainable for the long run, and I don’t recommend it for the long term either.  I am not willing to spend the rest of the time it takes to get to goal eating like this.  I’m trying not to develop disordered eating patterns, and if I did this kind of eating all the time I fear that I would eventually develop an eating disorder.

Here’s what I learned:

• Existing on 800-1000 calories a day is not awesome.  How some people do this every day without wanting to gnaw off their own fists (as I did all week long), I have no idea.
• I am capable of buckling down and getting back to basics if need be.
• I am being realistic about my end goal.
• I think about eating way more than I like to or probably should.
• Clif mint chocolate Builder bars in snack size are pretty good and a good quick source of protein with a little carbohydrate.  I’ll continue to eat these, probably once a day.
• These last 30 pounds are not going off without a fight.
• I was eating way more than I probably should have been, especially given that I am not as active as I was before right now.  That will change once the AP exam is over with!  Just trying to keep my head above water right now.
• My body physically craved whole foods like salad, egg whites, beans, onions, broccoli, carrots, chicken, fish, and zucchini.  So that’s what I’m going to work at feeding it 90% of the time.

I am a little worried about a bounce upwards.  So this week, as much as I absolutely hate them, I’m going to drink a protein shake each day to replace a snack.  I’m also going to cut a snack out to see if that helps.  Prior to my reset, I was eating two snacks a day–one between breakfast and lunch, and one between lunch and dinner.  I have already prepared things for my lunches and dinners this week (green leafy salads with either rotisserie chicken breast, black bean and corn salsa, and chili seasoned pumpkin seeds OR what amounts to a club salad–turkey, ham, bacon and cheese on top of salad greens and chopped carrots), and I am going to make it a point to fix my breakfast the night before I eat it so that all I have to do is heat it in the microwave.  I’m going to continue to move as much as possible during each day, and if I can squeeze in time to hit the gym, I certainly will.  I really would like to get down back to what my lowest weight on this journey so far (which was last semester) if possible.  And if I can’t get past that, then perhaps it’s time to think about whether or not this is where my body will stay.  That’s something to discuss with my surgeon when I see him in July, I suppose.  It is something I need to prepare myself for, since my original goal was to be at 170, and thinking that it may not even be possible is a hard thing to wrap my head around.