Nearly as fast as I put on the weight I gained over the holidays, I lost it. Then regained it. Then lost it again. This rollercoaster ride my body’s taking me on is frustrating at most, but is what I suppose maintenance is at best. What I need to grapple with is this: am I ready to be here?
I am 30 pounds from my revised weight loss goal. But I’ve achieved nearly all the other goals I set for myself when I started this process almost 2 years ago. As a friend said to me earlier this week, perhaps it is time to work on setting new goals. The problem with that is, I don’t know what those might be. I know staying in my current pants and dress size is something to aim for, but that’s about it! I need help figuring out what my next goals should be. This week, I’ve prepped food for the week and have done a better job of eating at home more. I’m trying to eat more out of my own kitchen and less from others. Weekends are hard because I always want to go out. 🙂 Something to work on, I suppose.
I really need to think about things that aren’t related to a metric that measures my health that I can aim for. This will be tough because I love, love, love numbers.
These were my lab results at my last appointment with my PCP. She was totally thrilled, as was I. I go back in August, and if my numbers continue to look stellar, I will start doing lab work once a year instead of twice. SCORE!
Aren’t those awesome numbers? Total cholesterol well under 200 mg/dL, my LDL/HDL ratio is good, and my a1c? BEAUTIFUL. My iron? Right on point. Basically, everything was perfect.
But then there are other numbers that I don’t find to be all that great, like my BMI–still in the morbidly obese range. I know BMI isn’t everything and shouldn’t be the first thing I worry about, but it’s one of those things that looms large in my mind when I think about how my doctors measure success with this procedure. I will probably always be obese according to that damn metric. I just have to learn not to care so much about it.
I also have to learn not to get hung up on the fact that I have a ton of extra skin that hangs unflatteringly on my body and that keeps me from being smaller than I am now. While I’ve achieved a dress and pant size that I’m pretty okay with, I’m not so okay with the gut I still have due to the extra skin I’m now left with. It hangs oddly and keeps me from wearing a smaller pant and shirt size, but since I don’t plan on having plastic surgery to remove it (can’t afford it), I need to just suck it up and get used to the fact that it’s here to stay. I have to learn to love and accept it, whether I like it or not.
I need to learn to love this body I have now because it is the one that I plan on getting old with. It is the one I plan on taking with me on the various trips I have scheduled in the next few months (Houston, New Orleans, Kansas City, Austin, Fairhope, Providence, Las Vegas). It is the one I plan on killing professional presentations with in a couple of those cities, and it is the one I plan on celebrating my 10th wedding anniversary with in November. I need to learn to love this body because it has seen me through so much in my life and without it, I wouldn’t be the person I am now. As pithy as that sounds, it’s true. I never did let my size keep me from doing things or being a certain way, and for that I am grateful. It’s like I said once before, I never didn’t have a life. I always had one, and now, I have a much, much improved version of one in so many ways. Physically, I can do so much more than I could before, even though I am limited by my knees. Professionally, I am on FIYAH. My marriage is even more solid than ever. But mentally, I’m still adjusting. And I’m wondering if this adjustment period will ever end. When will I feel normal?
I don’t even know.
Several months ago, I sampled a chicken burger patty at Costco that was a chicken, kale and mozzarella burger. It was good, but I thought, you know, I bet I can make one that tastes better. So yesterday I finally bought the ingredients for said burgers. Winner, winner, chicken burger dinner!
Here’s how I made them:
1.5 pounds ground chicken thighs (I got them at Whole Foods, but if you buy boneless skinless chicken thighs and put them through a food processor, you get the same effect)
1 cup chopped kale (I bought frozen chopped kale and let it defrost, then squeezed out the liquid)
1 cup part-skim shredded mozzarella cheese
1/8 teaspoon Penzey’s roasted granulated garlic
1/2 tsp red pepper flakes
salt to taste
Heat a nonstick skillet with about a tablespoon of canola oil over medium-high heat.
In a large bowl, put all your ingredients and using your hands, mix them together. Form 5-6 patties (I got 5 out of my recipe). When the skillet is hot enough, place the patties in it and cook them about 6-7 minutes on each side so that the meat cooks through. Super delicious, and packed with protein (27 grams per patty).