Post-Op Week 85: Rethinking Goals and a Recipe

Nearly as fast as I put on the weight I gained over the holidays, I lost it.  Then regained it.  Then lost it again.  This rollercoaster ride my body’s taking me on is frustrating at most, but is what I suppose maintenance is at best.  What I need to grapple with is this:  am I ready to be here?

I am 30 pounds from my revised weight loss goal.  But I’ve achieved nearly all the other goals I set for myself when I started this process almost 2 years ago.  As a friend said to me earlier this week, perhaps it is time to work on setting new goals.  The problem with that is, I don’t know what those might be.  I know staying in my current pants and dress size is something to aim for,  but that’s about it!   I need help figuring out what my next goals should be.  This week, I’ve prepped food for the week and have done a better job of eating at home more.  I’m trying to eat more out of my own kitchen and less from others.  Weekends are hard because I always want to go out.  🙂  Something to work on, I suppose.

I really need to think about things that aren’t related to a metric that measures my health that I can aim for.   This will be tough because I love, love, love numbers.

These were my lab results at my last appointment with my PCP.  She was totally thrilled, as was I.  I go back in August, and if my numbers continue to look stellar, I will start doing lab work once a year instead of twice.  SCORE!

I mean:

Aren’t those awesome numbers?  Total cholesterol well under 200 mg/dL, my LDL/HDL ratio is good, and my a1c?  BEAUTIFUL.  My iron?  Right on point.  Basically, everything was perfect.

But then there are other numbers that I don’t find to be all that great, like my BMI–still in the morbidly obese range.  I know BMI isn’t everything and shouldn’t be the first thing I worry about, but it’s one of those things that looms large in my mind when I think about how my doctors measure success with this procedure.  I will probably always be obese according to that damn metric.  I just have to learn not to care so much about it.

I also have to learn not to get hung up on the fact that I have a ton of extra skin that hangs unflatteringly on my body and that keeps me from being smaller than I am now.  While I’ve achieved a dress and pant size that I’m pretty okay with, I’m not so okay with the gut I still have due to the extra skin I’m now left with.  It hangs oddly and keeps me from wearing a smaller pant and shirt size, but since I don’t plan on having plastic surgery to remove it (can’t afford it), I need to just suck it up and get used to the fact that it’s here to stay.  I have to learn to love and accept it, whether I like it or not.

I need to learn to love this body I have now because it is the one that I plan on getting old with.  It is the one I plan on taking with me on the various trips I have scheduled in the next few months (Houston, New Orleans, Kansas City, Austin, Fairhope, Providence, Las Vegas).  It is the one I plan on killing professional presentations with in a couple of those cities, and it is the one I plan on celebrating my 10th wedding anniversary with in November.  I need to learn to love this body because it has seen me through so much in my life and without it, I wouldn’t be the person I am now.  As pithy as that sounds, it’s true.  I never did let my size keep me from doing things or being a certain way, and for that I am grateful.  It’s like I said once before, I never didn’t have a life.  I always had one, and now, I have a much, much improved version of one in so many ways.  Physically, I can do so much more than I could before, even though I am limited by my knees.  Professionally, I am on FIYAH.  My marriage is even more solid than ever.  But mentally, I’m still adjusting.  And I’m wondering if this adjustment period will ever end.  When will I feel normal?

I don’t even know.

Several months ago, I sampled a chicken burger patty at Costco that was a chicken, kale and mozzarella burger.  It was good, but I thought, you know, I bet I can make one that tastes better.  So yesterday I finally bought the ingredients for said burgers.  Winner, winner, chicken burger dinner!

Here’s how I made them:

1.5 pounds ground chicken thighs (I got them at Whole Foods, but if you buy boneless skinless chicken thighs and put them through a food processor, you get the same effect)
1 cup chopped kale (I bought frozen chopped kale and let it defrost, then squeezed out the liquid)
1 cup part-skim shredded mozzarella cheese
1/8 teaspoon Penzey’s roasted granulated garlic
1/2 tsp red pepper flakes
salt to taste

Heat a nonstick skillet with about a tablespoon of canola oil over medium-high heat.

In a large bowl, put all your ingredients and using your hands, mix them together.  Form 5-6 patties (I got 5 out of my recipe). When the skillet is hot enough, place the patties in it and cook them about 6-7 minutes on each side so that the meat cooks through.  Super delicious, and packed with protein (27 grams per patty).