Nearly as fast as I put on the weight I gained over the holidays, I lost it. Then regained it. Then lost it again. This rollercoaster ride my body’s taking me on is frustrating at most, but is what I suppose maintenance is at best. What I need to grapple with is this: am I ready to be here?
I am 30 pounds from my revised weight loss goal. But I’ve achieved nearly all the other goals I set for myself when I started this process almost 2 years ago. As a friend said to me earlier this week, perhaps it is time to work on setting new goals. The problem with that is, I don’t know what those might be. I know staying in my current pants and dress size is something to aim for, but that’s about it! I need help figuring out what my next goals should be. This week, I’ve prepped food for the week and have done a better job of eating at home more. I’m trying to eat more out of my own kitchen and less from others. Weekends are hard because I always want to go out. 🙂 Something to work on, I suppose.
I really need to think about things that aren’t related to a metric that measures my health that I can aim for. This will be tough because I love, love, love numbers.
These were my lab results at my last appointment with my PCP. She was totally thrilled, as was I. I go back in August, and if my numbers continue to look stellar, I will start doing lab work once a year instead of twice. SCORE!
Aren’t those awesome numbers? Total cholesterol well under 200 mg/dL, my LDL/HDL ratio is good, and my a1c? BEAUTIFUL. My iron? Right on point. Basically, everything was perfect.
But then there are other numbers that I don’t find to be all that great, like my BMI–still in the morbidly obese range. I know BMI isn’t everything and shouldn’t be the first thing I worry about, but it’s one of those things that looms large in my mind when I think about how my doctors measure success with this procedure. I will probably always be obese according to that damn metric. I just have to learn not to care so much about it.
I also have to learn not to get hung up on the fact that I have a ton of extra skin that hangs unflatteringly on my body and that keeps me from being smaller than I am now. While I’ve achieved a dress and pant size that I’m pretty okay with, I’m not so okay with the gut I still have due to the extra skin I’m now left with. It hangs oddly and keeps me from wearing a smaller pant and shirt size, but since I don’t plan on having plastic surgery to remove it (can’t afford it), I need to just suck it up and get used to the fact that it’s here to stay. I have to learn to love and accept it, whether I like it or not.
I need to learn to love this body I have now because it is the one that I plan on getting old with. It is the one I plan on taking with me on the various trips I have scheduled in the next few months (Houston, New Orleans, Kansas City, Austin, Fairhope, Providence, Las Vegas). It is the one I plan on killing professional presentations with in a couple of those cities, and it is the one I plan on celebrating my 10th wedding anniversary with in November. I need to learn to love this body because it has seen me through so much in my life and without it, I wouldn’t be the person I am now. As pithy as that sounds, it’s true. I never did let my size keep me from doing things or being a certain way, and for that I am grateful. It’s like I said once before, I never didn’t have a life. I always had one, and now, I have a much, much improved version of one in so many ways. Physically, I can do so much more than I could before, even though I am limited by my knees. Professionally, I am on FIYAH. My marriage is even more solid than ever. But mentally, I’m still adjusting. And I’m wondering if this adjustment period will ever end. When will I feel normal?
I don’t even know.
Several months ago, I sampled a chicken burger patty at Costco that was a chicken, kale and mozzarella burger. It was good, but I thought, you know, I bet I can make one that tastes better. So yesterday I finally bought the ingredients for said burgers. Winner, winner, chicken burger dinner!
Here’s how I made them:
1.5 pounds ground chicken thighs (I got them at Whole Foods, but if you buy boneless skinless chicken thighs and put them through a food processor, you get the same effect)
1 cup chopped kale (I bought frozen chopped kale and let it defrost, then squeezed out the liquid)
1 cup part-skim shredded mozzarella cheese
1/8 teaspoon Penzey’s roasted granulated garlic
1/2 tsp red pepper flakes
salt to taste
Heat a nonstick skillet with about a tablespoon of canola oil over medium-high heat.
In a large bowl, put all your ingredients and using your hands, mix them together. Form 5-6 patties (I got 5 out of my recipe). When the skillet is hot enough, place the patties in it and cook them about 6-7 minutes on each side so that the meat cooks through. Super delicious, and packed with protein (27 grams per patty).
I’ve been following you since you began your weight loss journey, and you have been an inspiration to me. You look amazing!
aw, thanks! And thanks for following me and my sometimes crazy path. 🙂