Not surprised by this week’s progress since I was retaining water all week which always happens during my cycle. The water retention stops when the crimson tide rolls in (ha!), and so does the desire to eat everything that isn’t nailed down. So this week should be business as usual.
I’ve slacked off with my workouts, which isn’t good. But I figured out why I let myself do it. The news about my knee that I got in October was a real blow to my ego because at that point I felt like I could do anything–like I was invincible.
I felt like nothing could or would stop me.
Then my ortho guy basically told me I couldn’t do the things I’d worked so hard to be able to do for the first time in so long, like running–something that, if you’ve read my blog for any length of time, you know I enjoy and have wanted to do for over 20 years now. I can’t play tennis, basketball, jump, dance, climb stairs…NOTHING. Learning this crushed me.
I let his diagnosis get me down much more than I should have. And as a consequence, I made the conscious choice to do nothing involving physical activity. It’s been a poor choice. I haven’t slept well in about 3 months. I haven’t felt right in general. I’m making really bad choices about what I feed myself so it’s no wonder I’m up 10 pounds from my lightest weight in the fall semester.
None of these things I’ve done the past 3 months will get me to my goal. So to quote Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, it’s time to nut up or shut up.
I’m going to make time to hit the gym twice this week for an hour both times. I’m also going to make sure I hit my Fitbit step goal 5 out of 7 days this week (9000 steps). I’ve prepped breakfast for the week and tomorrow I’m making lunches and dinners. We have the option of off-campus lunch tomorrow since we have inservice, so I am going to exercise that option with a healthy choice no matter where I go with my friends.
I’m slowly trying to right this ship. I am stubborn enough not to give up. As someone said to me today after I told her I’d lost 220 pounds and had 30 to go, “That’s a drop in the bucket compared to what you’ve already lost!” And she’s right. It’s less than 15%.
I got this.
I’ll close with this video a friend shared with me. It lit a fire in me when I saw it, because I watched the women in it and I saw myself in what they were doing. If they could be active at whatever size they were being active at, and not really giving a shit who saw them, then I can do the same.