Not pleased by the scale this week but after some careful thought and some good old-fashioned data analysis (ever the scientist, I am), I know why I am up and into a weight range I do not feel comfortable being in.
I was a slug all week long, not making it to the gym at all. Part of the reason for that was that my left knee was acting up and I wore a brace on it most of the week to support it–walking was truly a challenge. I was also careless with my eating and grazed more than I needed to or should have. It’s time to get back to what made me successful in the first place. A hard lesson to learn, but one I need to take to heart if I am going to reach my ultimate weight goal, which I have revised. I’ll talk about that more below.
Being off a regular schedule is something I struggle with so much because I thrive on structure. I crave it, and I require it. But I struggle trying to create that structure for myself as well–this is why I could never, ever work from home. Breaks are so very hard for me, because as a boredom eater, reaching for food is my default when there are no structured activities for me to do. It’s one of the reasons I work so much and stay as occupied as I do.
Tomorrow I return to work and to workout, both of which I look forward to doing. I have got to get this weight off and get down as much as I can before I have knee surgery and the subsequent physical therapy I know will follow. I was directed to keep my weight down by my ortho guy, and while I’m not so big he won’t do the surgery, I want my rehab to be as easy as possible. If I learned anything this past week, it’s that my left knee is going to have to be replaced sooner than later and that I have to spend 2015 saving my nickels for the surgery because I have a feeling it will happen next year. The pain I felt was pretty intense, and when you can’t take NSAIDs to blunt the pain and inflammation, they become an unwelcome constant. I really had to grin and bear it, because there was nothing I could take for the pain. The thing that was really awful was that I wanted so much to get out and go walking, but I was in so much pain that I couldn’t do as much as I wanted to. Thankfully, the past two days have been good knee days and I’ve been able to get out and about a bit more. We’ll see how it goes tomorrow night at the gym.
I’ve got breakfasts fixed, lunches prepped, veggies fixed, and salad makings to make salads with. I’ve also got the stuff to make black bean soup this week as well, which I plan to do in the crock pot. One of my goals for the new year is to eat at least 2 meatless meals during the week. It’s not many but given that every meal I eat has meat I figured 2 meals a week minus meat was a good start. I am looking forward to giving this a try as I have been craving veggies for a while, and they are my plant preference–I don’t really like fruit all that much. But veggies? Bring them on!
After a lot of careful thought and consideration, and a heart to heart with myself, I’ve set a new weight goal. I think it is more realistic than my original goal, and one that I think will be attainable during 2015. My new goal weight is higher than my original goal weight, but you know what? It puts me in a weight range I can live with, and one I’ve wanted to be in since I started this process of trying to get healthy.
I was never hell-bent on getting to goal as fast as possible when I started this path, as some folks are. You know what? Bully for them. I know myself, and I know I can’t be that rigid with myself. It simply isn’t realistic. For me to try and be that rigid is to set myself up for spectacular failure. I am more concerned with getting to my goal using a method that I can live with, rather than one that has me being so disciplined that once I get to goal, I don’t know how to live my life. One of my biggest fears is being obsessed with eating and moving for the rest of my days. I already hate that I spend so much time thinking about what I can and can’t eat, how I can and can’t move, whether I have to move or not, and whether or not it’s time to eat. I just want to lead a normal life, but I suppose that since I’ve had weight loss surgery to try and attain this “normal” life that I am NOT normal.
My new goal has me losing roughly half a pound each week. If I get below my new weight goal, great. If not, that’s okay too. I just want to get there. I know what I have to do, and now it is up to me to do it: eat right; measure and track food, vitamins and fluid; and get moving.
I don’t make New Year’s Resolutions; I set goals. To me, goals are much more tangible and achievable because I think you need to make a goal specific. Resolutions are often so nebulous and fuzzy that they don’t ever get accomplished. That said, here is my list of goals for 2015:
- Complete 130 workouts during the year
- Eat at least 2 meatless meals per week
- Complete a 5K before my 2-year surgery anniversary in July
- Actually RUN the Jameson 5K this year (or at the very least, jog it)
- Finish at least 5 books for fun that are not work-related (this is a big accomplishment as I rarely have free time for pleasure reading)
- Hit 9000 steps at least 5 of 7 days during the week (per Fitbit’s count)
- Fill a sketchbook with doodles and drawings for fun to feed my need to be creative
- Have professional portraits of me and my husband made before school starts in August
Here’s to the new year…may it be a good one!