Post-Op Week 72: Dx–Knee Surgery Needed

This week I am grateful for no change on the scale.  I am struggling mightily with keeping motivated to stay the course.

My frustration and stress levels are high, neither of which is helping me stick to the good habits I’ve learned over the past year or so.  I found out this week that I’m going to have to have my right knee scoped, cartilage removed, and examined to determine if I will need a knee replacement, which has dampened my spirit a bit.

I am frustrated that I can’t run or do any kind of strength training for my lower body right now as my surgeon has expressly prohibited me from doing so.  I’m not happy about that, and neither is my trainer.   The soonest I will be able to lift any weights with my lower body?  Mid-April.  5 months from now.  UGH.   Worst?  I’ll be having surgery and rehab for my birthday.  Not how I’d envisioned spending my spring break.  I’d hoped to stay home and relax, but that’s not going to be happening quite the way I want it to.

My time management skills are being tested at a level previously unseen, and I feel like I’m failing miserably.  I have overextended myself, and I’m feeling it.  I’m not sleeping enough, or well.  I’m off my workout schedule, and I am feeling it.

I’m fighting the fat girl in my head every meal now, and more days than not, she wins.  It’s the small battles she wins, too, and those are the more important ones in my opinion.  Why?  They add up to the bigger ones, and the more of those small battles the thinner me can win, the better off I will be in the long run.   I have to figure this out, and quickly.  The holidays are here, and I don’t want to use them as an excuse to go off the rails.  It may be time to call in the big guns and go back to Dr. Ashmore for reinforcement.  I need some help, encouragement, and most of all, support.  This is the hardest thing I am pretty sure I have ever done, and feeling like I’m failing has got me in a bit of a funk.

We are traveling this week, and while I am away, I plan to exercise most of the time I am gone. I packed workout clothes, my HRM, and my iPod loaded with my workout playlists. We’ll be walking around quite a lot so I will rack up the steps on my Fitbit each day. I’m hoping both of those things are enough to stave off any gain I might have while vacation eating in a town known for great food.

This year’s Thanksgiving is going to be done restaurant style, since we’re on the road. No leftovers, and finite serving sizes. Better than being subject to a table full of seemingly endless piles of food, especially since Fat Girl will want to Eat. All. The. Things! Hopefully reminding her that I wear smaller clothes now than I did last Thanksgiving, that my blood pressure is the lowest it’s ever been, and that I’ve nearly gotten to my resting heart rate goal (goal is 50 bpm, I run between 54-58 bpm) will all be enough to keep her at bay this week, and until well after Christmas.

I will also hit my 2014 workout goal of exercising 100 times this week, one month early than anticipated. I am excited about that and will likely tack on another 10 workouts to the total just to raise the bar a bit. I think next year’s goal may be 150–that’s one hour of strenuous physical activity about every other day. I think I can handle that. The more I can exercise before my knee surgery, the easier and smoother my recovery and rehab will be. As my trainer G said after I lamented that I was going to have surgery over my spring break and that I was unhappy about it, he said, “This is your opportunity to get better.”

And he’s right. It is. Even Dr. Ramsey said after he gets to look inside my knee and poke around a bit, I will be able to lift weights and probably run again.

I’m not happy that this surgery will sideline me for a month. But if it means that possibly I will be able to do the things I’ve set as goals for myself, then so be it.

Now the wait begins.