Slightly up on the scale this week, but not surprised. The week following my period, I am always up a pound or two. This is the pattern of lose-gain that I’ve noticed that my body slips into each month. I think I may cut calories back to 1000-1100 this week since my hunger isn’t as intense the weeks after my period ends. It’s only during that week that I feel like a bottomless pit. I did also have a few too many calories yesterday (I was at nearly 1400) and a lot of sodium, so I know those two things didn’t help me today.
I also need to get my butt in gear and get to the gym more often than I have been. Now that the school year is ending, I will have more time to take care of myself. It’s getting motivated that’s the hard part. That’s where I need the most work and the most help right now. My motivation right now is exceedingly low, and I think it’s all about the behavioral fatigue I’m experiencing. The bad thing about behavioral fatigue is that it is often accompanied by complacency.
Complacency is starting to sneak in–I’m looking better than I ever thought possible (and getting told that I look good), feeling pretty good on most days of the week, and I’m more active than ever. All of these things are great, but they’re leading me into thinking that right now where I am is good enough. And I know it isn’t–not for me. I’m not even at 70% EWL yet! That is 9.8 pounds away for me now.
I think this slide into complacency is representative of the Fat Girl fighting Me, v. 2.0, and I’m trying hard not to let the old me win. To say that this is tough is an understatement. Getting over the mental hurdles is the hardest part of this process, especially when YOU are the biggest hurdle you’re trying to clear! Anyone who tells you that losing weight is simply about eating more and moving less clearly has their head so far up their ass that they’re able to feel their own heartbeat with their forehead. It’s also patently obvious that someone with that mindset about weight loss never had a weight problem of their own that required any kind of fight.
Complacency in this process is a dangerous thing because complacency is what makes it okay to eat things that aren’t conducive to weight loss more often than not. Complacency is what makes it okay to sit around like a slug rather than dress out for a workout and just GO to the gym, even though I might not want to. Complacency is what makes it acceptable to eat the stress away. Complacency clouds your judgment and causes you to make choices about food and activity that don’t get you closer to your goals. Complacency makes it acceptable to settle for what feels good, not what is necessary or right.
And right now, there simply is no room for settling. There is no excuse for resting on my laurels, as my mom would call it. I’m close to my surgeon’s goal, but still so far from my own. So it’s time to call in the cavalry. It’s time to start strength training and to increase my workouts to 60 minutes minimum rather than 45 minutes. It’s time to pay a visit to Dr. A (the therapist who did my pre-op psych eval) and talk about how NOT to settle back into bad habits and how to stay focused until I get to my goal. Time to fight this complacency, because I will NOT go gentle into that goodnight.
These last 59 pounds are not going to come off without a bare-knuckles fight, and it’s time to suit up.