Monthly Archives: April 2014

Good News and Not Eating the Feels

Finally got the results of my gallbladder ultrasound today.

No stones, no sludge, no inflammation, so no surgery.  At least not now.

But I was told I have a small polyp in my gallbladder.  Nothing to worry about, I was told.

I did ask that in the event I had to have my gallbladder out, who would do my surgery.  I was told that any of the surgeons in my doctor’s practice could do it.  I said, good because I like you guys.  And I do–I’m quite fond of all the doctors in my surgeon’s practice.

So that’s the one piece of good news I’ve received in the past few days.  I have a visitation and funeral to attend this week for a former student who was killed last Friday, and I’m still awaiting word on when a memorial service will be held for my father’s wife, who lost her battle with cancer last Wednesday.   I also have a banquet tomorrow night for a club I sponsor at school, which is a desserts party.  I’ve already planned how I’m going to handle it:  eat dinner right before so I’m not tempted to graze on the cupcakes, cookies and cake balls that I know will be there.  I am going to have one cupcake though, and I am going to make sure I walk at least 7500 steps during the day.  I’ve got this.

The overarching goal this week is to not eat all the feels.  I’m trying super hard to avoid stress eating, which is one of my downfalls.  I’m 12 pounds from Dr. Nicholson’s expectation for my weight loss.  I’d love to hit that before I head to Kansas City in June.  I know I’ll get there before I see him for my 1-year post-op in July, but I’d like to be well past his goal for me by the time I see him on July 10.

I’ve got this.

 

Post-Op Week 42 Progress Report

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This week’s progress: back on track.  I’m pleased with the loss of almost 2 pounds this week, given the fact that I fought hunger all week long.  Some of it was head hunger, some was stress-related, and some was just genuine hunger.  I am starting to wonder if I should eat more calories, but am hesitant to try going too far above 1000 daily.  I think I’m going to stick with what I’ve been doing for a couple more weeks and then reevaluate what I need then.  I’m getting better at listening to my body and figuring out what it needs.

Today’s weigh in also sees me crossing from “morbidly obese” to just “obese” per the BMI chart.  I know a lot of people don’t put a lot of stock in that thing, but when your doctor bases his goal weight for you on it, you pay attention to it.  Since my doctor’s goal weight places me squarely in the obese category, I revised my personal goal to place me at the upper end of overweight.  I know I will never have a “normal” BMI, and I’m okay with that.  Besides, if I did, I would look sick and not healthy.  I am aiming for looking healthy and feeling good about how I look.  I’m nearly there.  62.6 more pounds to go.

I can do this.

This week, I’m focusing on starting to get ready for my next 5k in July and just staying the course.  Trying not to let the stress of recent events (gallbladder ultrasound, stepmother’s passing, end of the school year, WORK) take its toll on my efforts, but these next few weeks, that’s going to be tough.  Just gotta remember not to eat the feels.

I’ll write more later…right now, it’s bedtime.

Being Different to Be Like Everyone Else

The other day at my therapist’s office, I was talking about this post I wrote, in which a polo shirt became a symbol of finally being just like everyone else.

Somehow the conversation turned to my upcoming trip to Kansas City to grade AP exams, being out of my element and having to learn to get some measure of control in an eating environment I have little control over with regard to food choice, portion size, and frequency of feeding.  I mentioned that I planned to take a small food scale and quarter-cup measuring cup in an attempt to better control what I ate each day.  I also mentioned I was a little uneasy about this because it would look odd to others.  Even though I’m now built differently than others on the inside, I want so much to look like everyone else on the outside, right down to my eating behaviors.  I want to fit in.  I want to be like everyone else.

But even though I’m looking more and more like everyone else, I’m still not the same as everyone else.

I’m missing 75% of my stomach.  I’m restricted by my anatomy from eating a full plate of food.  I leave food behind.  A LOT.  I count every protein and carb gram.  I take 2 multivitamins and 2 calcium supplements daily.  I take a magnesium supplement 3 times a week.  I take an iron supplement 4 times a week and a B12 supplement once a week.  I count every calorie that passes my lips.  I’m learning to run again after not being able to do it for 21 years.

I’m not just like everyone else.

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Post-Op Week 41 Progress Report: Buckling Down and Filling a Void

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Slight gain this week, but I am not surprised.  Given that I lost nearly 6 pounds last week, this pound up doesn’t surprise me.  I also had a bit more sodium than usual yesterday and didn’t drink as much water as I normally do.  I’ve also eaten a little more starch than usual lately, which is not something I normally do either.

I know what I need to do; I just need to buckle down and do it.  Sometimes self-discipline is tough.  Believe it or not, self-discipline is something I’ve sorely lacked where eating is concerned.  The lack of self-discipline in my eating is what got me to 440 pounds.  So when I say that this new normal of mine has been more than challenging, I’m not exaggerating one bit.

I need to get back to my Daily Bite photojournaling.  I log everything I eat and drink in MyFitnessPal, but I’ve fallen off the photojournaling for the past month.  I really need to get back on that train, because I think it helps me add yet another layer of self-accountability, something else that I lacked for so long.

I won’t lie, I’ve slacked off in a lot of little ways.  But the little things do add up to big things if you let them.  So it’s time to tighten the reins, dial back the carb intake, increase my exercise, and get back on track.  These last 64 pounds aren’t going to leave my body without some real hard work, and I’ve gotta put in work to get them gone.  NOW.

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Post-Op Week 40 Progress Report: New Goals and A Tiny Pony

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This week’s progress was unexpectedly great.  I dropped a huge amount of weight, which I was not expecting to do given that I was retaining water all week long.  I skipped the gym this week, which happened because I wasn’t feelin’ it, and had a lot going on at work.  Instead, I did a lot of sitting on the balance ball while watching tv/working at my desk here at home.  Basically, if I was going to sit for more than 30 minutes, I made myself sit on the ball and try to stay on in an upright position.  It must have worked!  I am now only 13 pounds from my surgeon’s goal, which I am positive I can hit before school is out in June.  I am amazed that I am within striking distance of Dr. Nicholson’s expectation.  By the time my one-year follow-up appointment in July happens, I fully expect to have exceeded his expectation for my weight loss.

It should also be noted that in this picture, I am wearing smaller shorts and a smaller shirt.

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-200 and DX: Gallstones

First, this is me in the first goal dress I ever bought myself, when I was trying to get my weight down from nearly 440 pounds.

200 pounds later, I can wear this without any problems.  I’ll actually have to have the bodice taken in a little bit pretty soon.

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-200 pounds later.

Today I had a 9-month follow-up appointment.

It’s a good thing, too.

As I was talking with the PA about how I’d been feeling, I was having the same abdominal pains I’d had earlier in the week:  dull, intermittent pain under my ribcage on my right side.

He said, “It’s good that you are here.  Let me go get the doctor.”

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Milestone

Yesterday marked 9 months post-op for me.  I began the day by stepping on the scale to mark my weight since I collect data on the 8th of every month.

I stepped on the scale, off and on, like I always do, because I don’t believe the number I see every week.

When I finally stepped on for the final time, the scale settled at a number I’d hoped to see by the time this month rolled around.

As of yesterday, I officially weigh

200 pounds less

than my heaviest recorded weight.

I did not ever think I would see this day.  But it is here.  And it is glorious.

I have a 9-month follow up appointment tomorrow.  I plan to mark the occasion as I’ve marked all my other surgeon’s appointments:  by wearing a black and white dress.  I’ll be wearing the dress I bought 2 years ago that I’d intended as a “goal dress” during my last bout of weight loss.

Now, I’ve reached that goal (exceeded it, actually) and will be wearing it for my appointment.

Then I’ll take it to the tailor over the weekend and have it taken in, along with a bunch of my other professional clothes which are a wee bit large for me now.

It’s a good week to be me.