I’ve slacked off in writing this week without really meaning to.
Since I was off all week long, I’d intended to write every day–I really did! But I found myself doing more than just staying inside and writing.
This week, I:
- Had a fitness assessment with a personal trainer. It went really well! She showed me some exercises that I can do here at home while watching TV, and gave me a few tips about how to maximize my time at the gym (interval training). I am planning to work with her this summer a couple of times a month (I can’t afford any more time than that as she is pricey, but SO worth it!) so that I can have an added layer of accountability, plus advice on how to keep my workouts fresh. She also took my measurements and I was pleased to note that her numbers were the same as mine, so this tells me I’m measuring in all the right places.
- Got rid of a TON of too-big clothes. I think I wrote about that earlier in the week. It bears repeating, because it truly did feel liberating and cathartic in a way. The crazy thing is that I still see myself as a woman who weighs nearly 400 pounds and who still wears a 28/30 instead of one who wears a 16-20. I’m struggling with reconciling the me I see in my mind with the me that physically inhabits this body.
- Did a lot of walking OUTSIDE. If you have read my blog for any length of time, then you know that I absolutely with a passion HATE the treadmill. Most of my beef with the damned thing is that you Don’t. Go. ANYWHERE. while you’re on it. And it gets boring. So since the weather was super gorgeous this week, I decided to hit the walking trails near the house. I’m glad I did. I had the chance to soak up the sunshine and explore parts of my city that I had never seen before. It was really therapeutic to be in the sunshine as well. I thrive on sunny days and truly despise winter and its gray, bitter chilly days. Spring is upon us, and here in Texas that means sunshine and warmer days, which for me means lots of outside time.
- Did Nordic walking. Don’t know what it is? Here’s a video:
Walking like this actually increases your heart rate a good bit, and I can say that after having done it twice this week, once for a mile and a half, and the second time for two miles, you work your ass off! Next weekend when I do my first 5K, I think I’m going to bring my trekking poles with me to see how my pace and tempo increase as I power through the 3.1 miles. I really like walking this way, so I’m going to continue to do it.
- Discovered that I now wear a size L in t-shirts. See?
I’ve never worn that size in my adult life. EVER. This is super exciting for me.
- Also discovered that I am now down 2 more dress sizes from a 22 to an 18. So even though I have not lost a lot of weight lately, I am losing inches quite nicely.
- Got my invitation to grade AP exams this summer. This is a big deal to me as it is one of the best things I do for my professional career. It is also a big deal as it will be the first reading I go to with my new tummy. You’re probably wondering why this matters. Well, let me explain the food sitch at the reading: 3 meals and 2 snacks daily. The meals are all buffet-style, catered affairs. Typical meal: salad bar, veggies, and some meat choice. Sometimes there is pasta (I generally avoided this pre-op when I attended the reading). The snacks are nothing that is appropriate for me to nosh on–they are usually granola bars, fruit, candy, and cookies, all of which have way more sugar than I care to consume on a daily basis. I avoided the snacks before I had surgery, and I will certainly be avoiding them now as a post-op. I’ve already begun to plan how I will navigate mealtimes–I’m planning on packing my half-cup measuring cup that also has a measuring line for a quarter cup, and stocking up on jerky to eat at my usual snack times that’s been premeasured out so that I know exactly how much I’m eating. I always drink like a fish at the reading for multiple reasons, but I will make sure I take one of my Tervis tumblers with me so that I have something to drink at all times. Thankfully there is a ton of walking that gets done at the reading since it is all in a rather large convention center, and now that I can walk so much faster, I plan on doing quite a lot of it. The hotel I am staying at has a gym and a pool, both of which I plan to hit up while I am there. There is a scale at the gym which I will use to weigh in with because I know I will be there at least one Sunday.
All in all, it was a good spring break, and now it’s time to get back to the daily grind of work. I can make it to June 6. I have to.
More importantly, I can make it to April 10. I have to. It’s my next appointment with my surgeon. I’m hoping to be down another 5-6 pounds by then. This will put me under 20 pounds from his goal for me. I’m hoping to hit his goal for me by the first week of June. I think this is realistic and doable. But I also know there are some things in my eating that I need to tighten up if this is going to happen. Not going to lie, there’s some behavioral fatigue going on and I’m trying so hard to fight it. It’s like I have competing interests in my head battling it out: there’s one part of me that wants to get to 220 so bad, but then there’s another part of me that really wants a cookie, or some fries. I fight that Every. Single. Day. For example, I was at lunch with a friend today at a barbecue joint (which remarkably, end up being pretty sleeve-friendly dining places especially if smoked turkey breast is on the menu). I got turkey breast, and he got a po-boy with pulled pork and sausage with french fries. The place we went to hand cuts their fries and cooks them fresh–these are my absolute favorite kind of fries! It was tough to sit across from him while he ate them and not ask him, “hey, can I have one of those?” I know how I am with fries–there is no such thing as just one. Same as it is with chips and queso–there is NEVER just one.
Most days I am successful at fighting that urge to eat things that are not conducive to my weight loss. Most days. On the days I am not successful, I try not to beat myself up too badly, and I try to get back on track at the next meal. And most times I am successful in that endeavor. But then there are days when I just want to throw my hands up and say F ALL OF THIS, I QUIT, BITCHES and give up.
But then I see folks around me who are larger than I currently am and I remember what it was like to be that size.
I remember how miserable being that size is.
I remember how much I physically hurt. I remember how immobile I was. I remember how short of breath I was. I remember not being able to walk long distances, much less run.
I remember not being able to fit into booths at restaurants.
I remember not being able to negotiate tight spaces, like the spaces between my students’ desks and the countertops in my classroom.
I remember having to sit down to teach my classes each class period and how now, I can stand pretty much all period long to teach.
I remember having limited choices of clothes and shoes to wear.
I remember not being able to hug around my husband.
And all of those things snap me back to reality and keep me going.
I will get to 220 by June. I don’t care if it’s at the beginning or the end.
I will get there.
Here are my foods for Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. I’m still snapping photos daily but haven’t been good about posting them here. As much as I’d like to keep posting daily, life during this spring semester simply has not allowed me to have the time to do it. I exceeded my protein goals each day, and was higher carb each day, but I felt my activity levels on each day warranted the increase in carb consumption, and quite honestly, my carbs were coming mostly from veggies and legumes. I don’t have the cravings for them that many people claim they have–the carbs I crave are actually things like beans and veggies, so I try to eat those as much as I have room for within my calorie and protein goals.