#fatgirlslimproblems

First, I apologize for the sporadic posting this week.  Spring semester is always busy for me, so my posts may start becoming more and more spread out as we inch closer to the end of the school year.

#fatgirlslimproblem 1:  Work is burying me right now, and I’ve taken on extra work outside of school to make ends meet.  This post-op life is costing so much more than I imagined it would:  therapy costs, doctors’ visits, labs, clothing…all of it is more than I can handle financially.  And as my salary hasn’t increased to keep up with the cost of living much less the costs of all the stuff previously mentioned, working a second and third job is what is needed.  My flexible spending money is gone–I blew through all $2000 of it by January 1 (our plan year starts September 1), so this plan year has been a very expensive one.  While my insurance premium cost dropped, my deductible doubled (from $1200 to $2400) as did my out of pocket max (from $2400 to $4800), so my healthcare costs have been much, much higher than they were last year.

What really sucks?  We don’t have benefits election until AUGUST this year.   Why?  Because TRS can’t figure out what they want the insurance rates to be.  So now I won’t be able to appropriately figure out how much to set aside for health care costs for next year.  Bastards.

So when does our plan year start over again?  SEPTEMBER 1.

Thanks, BCBSTX TRS-ActiveCare, you suck.  I’ll continue working 3 jobs just to pay for health care.  UGH.

#fatgirlslimproblem 2:  Today this happened.

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My ring finger is too small now for these to fit properly.

To avoid losing both my wedding band AND my engagement ring, I had to move them to my middle finger.  My left hand ring finger is so small now that neither ring fits it properly.  And my engagement ring has a guard on it, even.   I wanted to wait until I got to my goal to resize them, but I may end up doing it sooner than later because I’m terrified of losing either one.  And I refuse to go without them.  So it’s time to go on the hunt for a good jeweler who can resize these bad boys and make them look just as good as they do now, except make them fit!

#fatgirlslimproblem 3:  So. Much. Loose. Skin.

I have a collage of all of it that I’m debating on posting up here.  On one hand, I’m not entirely comfortable showing those parts of me in such a public place.  On the other hand, if I’m going to keep it real and honest, then I should get over it because showing people what the reality of losing 150 pounds looks like is important.  Especially if you are like I once was–over 400 pounds and considering WLS–I think you need to know what potentially is in store for you.  When you have surgery that so drastically alters your lifestyle, your appearance, and your psyche, you have absolutely got to go into it eyes wide open.

This post-op life isn’t always pretty or perfect.  There are bumps in the road (good example, I ate a piece of a donut and a piece of a brownie today) and there are wrinkles, ripples, rolls, and drooping skin in abundance.  Not to mention the veins and bones that stick out that I am unaccustomed to seeing because they’ve been hidden under a thick layer of fat for so long.  I am still not in a good place with my soul about how I look under my clothes, and don’t know if I ever will be.  So for the time being, I’m going to hold that collage in reserve until I can feel okay about sharing it with the world.

Today’s eating wasn’t the best.  I ate some crap, which I won’t be doing again because I didn’t feel particularly good afterward.  I got 917 calories, 95 grams protein, 35 grams carbs, and 44 grams fat.  This week I’ve done pretty well as far as eating fish goes–I have a goal of trying to eat seafood of some sort at least 3 times each week, and I’ve eaten it 4 times already.  Because I brought home leftover trout, I’ll get to have it a 5th time. 🙂

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Today’s food choices, from upper right: multivitamin and calcium supplements x2, iron supplement; blackened rainbow trout with asparagus and cheese grits; piece of brownie; piece of a donut; Rudy’s ham, egg, bacon and cheese breakfast bowl leftovers; baked barbecue chicken breast (not the Brussels sprouts).

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