I saw this at a restaurant where I had a meeting tonight and thought, how apropos. Even though I was in my gym clothes, having squeezed in a workout when I was not expecting to have the time to do one today, I thought to myself, “I. Look. Good.”
Everyone else seems to think so. It’s time I started believing it too.
We had a professional development day today in my district. So while my husband got to stay home and sleep in, I dutifully got up at 6:30, showered, ate breakfast, got dressed, packed my morning snack and drinks and headed out to work.
I arrived at the campus where we were meeting and sat down (there would be way more of this today than I really care for) and immediately was descended upon by teachers from our 9th grade center, most of whom I had not seen since October, when we had our last PD day. Internally, I braced myself for the comments and questions I knew I’d be pelted with.
“Oh my gosh, you look so good! How do you feel?”
“You are looking cute!”
“How much weight have you lost? You look amazing!”
“You can’t lose any more weight…you will disappear on us!”
That last one I wasn’t ready for. I haven’t lost enough weight just yet to be within striking distance of my ultimate weight loss goal. I find it odd that others feel the need to tell me that they feel I have lost too much, when in fact, I am still squarely in the obese category and fighting to get out. I refuse to spend my second 40 years+ weighing over 200 pounds, and I am fighting like hell to do what I can to make sure I get down below 200 pounds before July (if at all possible).
If I’d had my wits about me at that moment, I think I might have said something like this:
I am losing weight because I want to be healthy. I am not losing weight so that I can be what you perceive to be healthy for me and my body. I am not doing this to please you. I am doing this to please me and to make my soul feel good about me. I will stop losing weight when I am damn well good and ready, and right now is not the time. My goal weight is between me and my doctors, not you and whoever you elect to tell. So thanks for your concern, and thanks for the oddly worded compliment, I think. But I’m working hard to get to a state of health I feel is appropriate for me and that I feel (and my doctors feel) is achievable, sustainable, and desirable.
But I didn’t have my wits about me and all I did was shrug it off and say that I wasn’t anywhere close to where I wanted to be and let it rest at that.
I thought about it this afternoon as I was coming home, and I might be overthinking things but are people reacting in this way because fat is the only way they have ever known me, and now that I am considerably less fat, it might be work to get to know the not-so-fat me? Mind you, the person who made the “don’t lose any more weight” comment is not someone I see daily, but still…what happens when it IS someone I see daily who says this to me? What then?
I did sneak in a quick workout before I went to the meeting I had to go to this evening. I was packing up to leave work today and thought, “Well, I have time now because I’ve done all the work I need to do for today and there is no reason for me to stay here, so the gym it is.” So I came home, quickly changed clothes, and hoofed it on over to the gym before my meeting.
I was a beast on the bike tonight. Personal best distance and speed:
The calf cramps kicked in at 41:30 so I stopped there. I was pushing toward 45 minutes this time. I want so badly to work toward a 60 minute bike ride. I’ll get there eventually. I’d like to work toward 25 miles a week, but right now that’s not a possibility because of my crazy schedule. Originally I’d wanted to ride 25 miles at one fell swoop, but when I did the math, I realized that it would take me nearly 3 hours on the recumbent bike. And as there are only 2 bikes at my gym…I don’t want to be a bike hog. So 25 miles weekly it is.
I am starting to see the fruits of my labor on the bike: I can see my quads better now than I ever have, and my knees are feeling a little more stable. Stable enough to make stairs a more routine part of my day. This is a good thing since I teach on the second floor of my building and there really is no good excuse for me not to take the stairs up every morning.
And I was a protein beast today: 113 grams of protein, 42 carbs and 38 fat grams. Calories: 975. I also got in 136 ounces of water today…if I wasn’t eating, I was drinking. Good thing too, with all the protein I ate. Tomorrow I’m going to back off a little on my protein and increase my veggie intake.