Last week I wrote a list of the things I can do now that I couldn’t do before I had WLS. I’m pretty sure that at some point, I’d written about what my heaviest weight was–440 pounds. So, today’s list is:
Things I Don’t Miss About Weighing 440 Pounds
(in no particular order)
- Being the fattest person in any room.
- Not being able to sit comfortably in chairs with arms.
- Having to buy the most unflattering of clothes because a) they fit, and b) they would keep me from being naked in public.
- Not being able to walk from my car in the parking lot to pretty much anywhere without stopping to catch my breath before continuing on to my destination. This was a pretty regular occurrence, especially at school.
- Wearing out my clothes and shoes really quickly.
- I definitely don’t miss being diabetic and hypertensive.
Today we went to the mall to do some walking after we’d retrieved our Christmas tree from storage. After we’d walked around for about 30 minutes, I stopped in at Coldwater Creek, because they were having a mad sale–50% off everything. I picked up a couple of sweaters for work, a dress shirt for work, and a couple of t-shirts. The best part?
All in a size 18.
Do you know that I have never worn a clothing size that starts with a 1 in my adult life? EVER.
This is huge to me. HUGE. It also makes me wonder how much smaller I will get. I’m starting to fear that I will get to be smaller than I really want to be. I’d be good with being a size 12-14. I don’t really know how I’d feel being any smaller than that. I don’t know how to be small, and being smaller now than I’ve ever been is a real head trip for me. This is something I really need to think about and dig down inside to unearth why it feels weird to me. I mean, I still have t-shirts in 3x and 4x that I wear around the house! I sleep in them because they’re comfortable. But I also think that it’s hard for me to realize that those things no longer fit me appropriately because I’m having a hard time visualizing just how much smaller I really am. I’ve always had trouble visualizing my size. Perhaps it’s my poor spatial reasoning capability (I am a horrible judge of dimension), or perhaps my mind’s eye has got astigmatism or something–whatever it is, it’s really screwing with my head and I don’t want it to. I know this is something I will definitely need to work on in therapy, whether it is with Dr. Ashmore or my other therapist, Dr. K. Yes, I have two. Don’t judge.
Anyway…on to the food. Today’s food choices could have been better. Not gonna lie, I got lazy. Ate way too many carbs. Today was proof that I can’t afford to be anything less than vigilant about what I put into my body. Tomorrow will be better–one bite at a time, right? I did manage to walk 3.5 miles today though, most of it at the mall.