Eight Years and The Best Laid Plans…

Eight years ago today, my husband and I were married in Vegas. I’ll give y’all the Cliffs Notes version of our story after the jump.

We met online via a mutual friend of ours who was also a teacher.  After being “introduced” (as well as that can happen online), we talked for a couple of months via ICQ and over the phone and decided to meet in person.

I flew out to meet him in Huntsville, Alabama, as I had plenty of frequent flier miles and could get cheap flights out of Dallas.  So on November 22, 2003, I met the man who eventually became my partner, my best friend and my husband.  From the moment we met and began talking, we both knew that we were meant for one another.  Four months later, we were engaged.

We dated long-distance for two very long years, spent a lot of time in airports and on the road going back and forth between northern Alabama and North Texas.  After my husband was able to land a teaching job in the Metroplex, we went forward with our plans to marry.  We decided on Vegas since it would be far less expensive, would allow us to have a honeymoon of sorts, and would leave us debt-free and just as married as others who’d spent thousands on their weddings.

When it was decided we would marry, I began Weight Watchers for what seemed like the thousandth time so that I could lose weight to try and fit into a wedding dress.  I lost some weight, but not enough to be able to go into a store and get a dress off the rack.  I had been to a wedding expo a few years prior and remembered that there was a woman in DeSoto who specialized in custom wedding dresses for hard-to-fit sizes.  I called her up, made an appointment to see her to talk about what I wanted, and had her make me a dress to get married in.  I didn’t want a white wedding dress–we were going to Vegas, and I wanted something that was simple, and RED.  So that’s what I got.

In the meantime, I had lost about 60 pounds on Weight Watchers and had hit a huge plateau that I could not get off of.  So about 6 weeks before the wedding, I gave up.  I was frustrated, aggravated and annoyed because at that point, I was maintaining and not losing any more weight.  I just needed to be able to fit into the damned dress I was paying someone to make for me.

On my wedding day, I weighed in at around 360 pounds.  In the collage below, the photo on the far left is what I looked like in my dress.  If I had to guess at what size the dress is, I’d say it was a 34-36?  I’ll have to measure it to see.

Tonight I tried it on to see how it compared to the day I was married.  You can see in the pictures above that the dress engulfs me now, and looks pretty ridiculous on me.  My husband says that it looks like I’m a little kid playing dress-up.  It doesn’t stay on my shoulders because now they are much more narrow.  Now the dress hangs lower than before because my belly isn’t as round and doesn’t protrude nearly as much as it did then.

Looking at the pictures above, I find it hard to believe I was that large.  I also have a bit of sadness about how big I was then, and then how much bigger I got after we’d been married a few years.  I remember how miserable I felt, how sick I was, how truly immobile I was, and how I was really unable to participate in so much of life.  As cliche as it sounds, it was like a lot of life passed me by and I tried my best to live it fully, but never really could because of my size.  Looking at old pictures of myself is like going through the stages of grief after someone dies–I think I’m in a stage between anger and bargaining right now (angerning?  bargainering?).  Something to talk about with my therapist for sure.

Eight years later, I weigh nearly 90 pounds less than I did the day my husband and I were married. I get around so much better and faster than I did back then–hell, I RUN NOW!  Or at least I call it running. 😉

Today, I wear anywhere from an 18-24 in clothes sizes and falling.  I finally bought some new shorts to wear in my weekly progress photos because my others (the pair I will now deem The Shorts Formerly Known as “the smaller ones”) are ridiculously big and were falling off my hips.  Unacceptable!  I feel better when I’m wearing clothes that actually fit.  I didn’t like wearing clothes that were too small and tight, and now I certainly don’t like clothes that are too big and loose.  I am feeling better about my body as the weeks go by, even though there are times when I am far more critical about how I look than I probably ought to be.  I’m still learning to be gentle to myself.

It blows my mind that I have changed so much in such a short amount of time.

I still have a long way to go, but I am hopeful that I will get there in the next year or so.  I do not care how long it takes me to get to my personal goal so long as I get there.

I picked up my Gobble Hobble packet today, which included a tech fabric runner’s shirt and a bib.  I’m a little sad I won’t get to wear my bib, but I will wear my shirt tomorrow morning to the gym.  The plan is to walk/run the treadmill for at least two miles.  The weather here the next couple of days looks to be dicey, as they are predicting sleet tomorrow night so getting out to the gym Sunday will likely not occur.  I have an alternate plan for workin’ on my fitness in the event that we will be housebound–I’ll use the walking DVD that I have here at the house in lieu of trekking out on icy roads with all the other folks who don’t know how to drive on ice.

We went to dinner tonight for our anniversary, and I won’t lie–I carb loaded in prep for tomorrow’s walk/run.  I downed 93 grams of carbs per MFP and 81 grams of protein.  Normally I get less than half those carb grams daily, but in the morning, I will be engaged in vigorous walking/running (I do nearly 3 mph on an incline on the treadmill) so I figured I needed the carbs to fuel my long stretch of activity.  I ate more calories today than I have in a while, which I feel bad about, but won’t be doing again.  Now I see how easy it is to go over one’s calorie budget, and I am going to try my best not to let it happen again.  I did go ahead and order the dinner I’d planned to order knowing that I would be exercising hard tomorrow morning.  I also ate a ton of roasted Brussels sprouts today–leftovers from yesterday’s lunch.

What I did not plan for was the Key lime pie that was comped for our dinner–the restaurant we went to buys dessert for folks celebrating a special event.  I ate a few small bites, because at that point, I was full of shrimp, chicken from my soup, a small piece of French bread, and a few bites of grits.  It was good, but I really didn’t need it.  Fat Girl wanted dessert and Thinner Girl didn’t fight her hard enough to tell her no.  It was like I had Fat Girl’s taste buds and Thinner Girl’s brain, and unfortunately, the taste buds won out.

It’s okay, though…Thinner Girl will get her revenge in the morning at the gym and let Fat Girl know what’s up.

Also?  Both my husband and I experienced a major NSV tonight:  we sat in a booth at dinner.  I. Could. Not. Believe. It.  Can’t wait to see what other NSVs await us in the next few months.

Today’s food choices, from upper right: Rudy’s jalapeno sausage, egg, potato and cheese breakfast bowl; leftover ham slice, roast Brussels sprouts, a little stuffing and a couple of bites of a roll; Sargento reduced fat cheese stick; multivitamin and calcium supplements x2, B12 and iron supplements; chicken tortilla soup; barbecued shrimp and grits with a small piece of French bread (not that giant one plated); leftover sticky pork wing; a few small bites of Key lime pie.