Big Life, Big Dreams

I have big dreams.  I’ve always had them.


I’m finally starting to feel like I might actually achieve some of the things I see myself doing in my dreams.

In reality, I have actually achieved some of the things I’ve visualized myself doing.

I’ve run.  And I can’t wait to get to do it again.

I’ve visualized myself fitting into clothes whose size begins with a 1 and not a 2.  I’m slowly getting there.

I just wish I could visualize myself with more free time. 🙂  Then perhaps I could achieve more of what I see myself doing, and perhaps I could have more time for visualizing myself doing things I once thought impossible because of my weight.

Something has to give, and soon.  The question is what?  I want so much to be able to build in more physical activity, but with my schedule, it’s damn near impossible.   I need to just suck it up and build a routine.  Packing more stuff to do into an already packed life may not be the best solution, but it is the only thing I know how to do.  I don’t know how to be not busy–I never have.

But the larger problem here is that I need to learn how, lest I get myself into a situation that forces me to be not busy for an extended period of time and I drive myself nuts not knowing how to spend all the free time that comes with such a situation.


I’m playing catch up on logging my meals as this week at work has been beyond busy.  I had a 14 hour day today:  got to school at 7:45 and didn’t leave until nearly 9:30 pm.  So here’s what I’ve eaten the past two days.

Today my protein level was good:  86 grams.   The timing of my meals could have been better though:  I went from lunch to nearly 9:45 pm without eating–not a good thing.  But I was so busy that I almost didn’t notice.  That is a very odd feeling, not feeling any actual hunger when you know it should be time to eat.


Today’s food choices, from upper right: baked chicken and leftover peas and carrots; Applegate farms maple glazed turkey slices; Sargento reduced fat cheese stick; multivitamin and calcium supplements, B12 and iron supplements; barbecue chicken drumsticks; Wendy’s chili.

Yesterday’s nutrition was also pretty good:  87 grams of protein.  It was a meat-heavy day.


Tuesday’s food choices, from upper right: Rudy’s smoked ham; homemade Texas chili (without cheese) and a tiny slice of cornbread; barbecue chicken drumsticks; multivitamin and calcium supplements x2, B12 and iron supplements; pork “wing” with mashed potatoes and peas with carrots; baked chicken drumstick.

I ate the pork, a little bit of the peas and carrots and maybe two bites of the potatoes.  There just wasn’t room.  I am pretty good about making sure I get protein down first before biting into any vegetables or starches because the mantra I tell myself when I sit down to eat is “protein first!”

There is so much I want to write about–how I feel about single-minded approaches to weight loss with the sleeve and body image after rapid weight loss among them–but I can’t sit still long enough to organize my thoughts.  Perhaps I’ll ruminate on these things over the next week and write next weekend.

After the Gobble Hobble 1-miler and my anniversary dinner.  Even on vacation, I’m busy.

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