Today I was over my calories a bit, but not by much (864; normally I’m at 800). Here’s what I ate:
Today’s food choices, from upper left: Rudy’s smoked ham pieces and a scrambled egg with a little shredded sharp cheddar; multivitamin and calcium supplements x2; Trader Joe’s turkey jerky; barbecued boneless skinless chicken thigh and green beans with bacon; Sargento reduced fat cheddar cheese stick; barbecued boneless skinless chicken thigh with Rudy’s pinto beans. Not shown: half a Trader Joe’s parmesan pup sample from the store (damn those samples!).
Tonight I had a moment of weakness when we were at Trader Joe’s. I made the mistake of letting my nose lead me to the back of the store where they are always sampling something, and tonight was no exception.
They were sampling these:
and they smelled so good! So Fat Girl led me back there and picked a sample up (half of one of the little pups), and without thinking, ate it in two bites.
It was not until after I’d eaten it that I had two realizations:
- I had eaten a snack before leaving school (this is my usual habit; it usually prevents me from stopping on the way home to snack on things that will not help me in my weight loss).
- I ate something that my doctor prefers me not to eat: bread.
I have GOT to stop sampling crap at the store. Seriously, this behavior is adding unnecessary calories to my daily total. And it is a behavior that Fat Girl engaged in frequently pre-surgery. Fat Girl tried to justify eating it to Thinner Girl by saying, oh but you can log it in MyFitnessPal and as long as you do that, it’s okay.
But it’s NOT okay. Not now.
These are the sorts of things that will lead me down a very, very slippery slope that will be difficult to climb as I navigate with trepidation through this weight loss phase. I say trepidation because there are days when I feel like I’m not doing this right, even though the scale is saying otherwise, and it does incite a bit of anxiety in me. I don’t want to start making it okay to eat things like puff pastry and Fritos chips (like I did last week in another store sampled item) even in the smallest quantities right now because I know that I will find a way to make them okay to eat on the regular and in larger quantities. And right now, they’re just NOT okay. Someday, yes. But now is not that time.
I need to reach into my toolbox and figure out what cognitive tool I can use to avoid this from happening in the future. Perhaps this is something to discuss in therapy because I’m at a loss here. I ate it, I logged it, and didn’t buy a box of the damned things to take home so that’s gotta be a win, right? The little morsel didn’t cause me to fall short of protein goals or exceed my carb goals for the day, but it did bump my calorie intake up 36 calories more than it would have been otherwise. And I know in the grand scheme of things it’s only 36 calories–I’ll burn those off just sitting here. But they were 36 unplanned calories and I think that’s what is bothering me most. I didn’t plan for them, but I ate them anyway.
I’m not going to beat myself up over this stupid thing. I’m not going to let it happen again. Next time, I’ll just go in, get what I went there for (which is at the front of the store) and get out. Nose be damned.
Enough about that. Let’s talk fashion. So you know I went shopping over the weekend–it’s a competitive sport here in the Dallas area. I bought a couple of Michael Kors blouses at Nordstrom Saturday evening. I decided to wear one to work today with a pair of white pants. I didn’t care that Labor Day was last week–in my world, it is still summer and will be until at least mid-October (this is Texas, after all), so white pants are a go until the first chill is in the air.
Top: Side-tie blouse by Michael Kors
Pants: CJ Banks
Necklace: not sure where I got it
Smile: all me!
I felt super awesome in this outfit–very confident and a little sassy even!
There is nothing quite like a great outfit to make you feel good about how you look. I have always enjoyed dressing up, even at my heaviest, and now that I’m losing inches and clothing sizes it is even more fun because I have so many more choices open to me now. And I know as the sizes continue to drift downward, there will be even more choices for me to pick from. It feels overwhelming at times, knowing that I have the potential to walk into just about any store I choose to buy clothing to wear. I’m trying not to think about that too much because right now I am still fairly limited as far as where I can shop, but I am much less limited than I once was. And that is a great feeling.
Now to get rid of all my larger clothes…there is a Facebook group I am going to post everything to, but I have to find the time to photograph it, post it and determine pricing. I’ll make time for it because whatever funds I raise that way will pay for new clothing in the winter. I’m trying not to buy any other clothes until then (mostly because I need to rearrange my closet for all the ones I’ve bought). The sizes I have now will carry me through another month or so, and then I can wear the smaller fall and winter things I have in reserve.
And finally, walking. I increased my daily step goal today by 500 steps so that now my daily goal is 7500 steps. Hubby and I took nearly a half-mile walk this evening after I had dinner, and according to MapMyWalk (thanks to Jessica at Bariatric Beginnings for the tip on this app!) my pace tonight was for a 25 minute mile. I’m aiming for a 20 minute mile or less by November 1. I think it will be doable as the weight continues to come off. I did notice that while I was walking, my butt muscles and thighs were working harder than the rest of me so hopefully the nightly walks (coupled with the daily ones at work) will help tone my rear end some more. The next two weeks are really busy ones for me but I am going to make sure I make time to squeeze in my two walks daily, and that I increase my speed slightly on each one.
Today might not have been the very best day, but it wasn’t the very worst day either. Tomorrow will be a better day. I’m going to pack my lunch and snacks up tonight so that tomorrow I can just grab my lunch box out of the fridge and go to school. Breakfast is planned. I will get in my 13+ cups of water tomorrow (I got 14 today), and I will take my 2 walks.
Tomorrow will be a good day.
La Guerra de La Gorda 
I struggle with the “just one bite” mentality. My husband even laughed at me when I told him I had four tortilla chips at work happy hour and was upset I had caved (after two hours of not caving). The thing is, it’s just easier for me to have off-limit food. When I let myself have a sample or just a bite, every bite becomes a negotiation and eventually I start to lose those negotiations. I always think of this quote from Samuel Johnson: “Abstinence is as easy to me, as temperance would be difficult.”
I keep telling myself that things like bread and tortilla chips (my Kryptonite!) are things I simply can’t have now, but maybe in the future. Maybe. I have to learn self-control with those things because the potential for mindless eating of those items is extremely high and probable.
I had the same issue! I’ve been doing fantastic, no cheating, and went to a BBQ. Got all things I could have & son got dessert & as soon as I sat down at the table I took a piece of brownie. Granted, it was less than a teaspoonful, was like 1/64th of the brownie, but wth??? Amazing how ingrained stuff is.
It’s kind of scary how automatic behaviors like that are but I think it’s because they were once routine. I’m not out long enough for them not to be routine still.
And it is frustrating trying to fight that.
No worries about the post labor day thing. Truth is you have them you gotta wear them now cuz by next summer they’re gonna be way too big. But then again, I’m a guy who never understood those fashion rules anyways
Exactly…gotta wear them while they still fit decently well! They’re starting to be loose, but I figure I’m going to wear my pants until they pretty much fall off.