31 Days

Today’s food choices:

Today’s food choices, clockwise from upper left: multivitamin and calcium supplements x2; Panera’s vegetarian black bean soup; Syntrax Matrix mint cookie protein powder; Genghis Grill lettuce wraps filling; Sargento 2% milk cheddar cheese stick; homemade lettuce wrap filling.

I went to lunch this afternoon at Panera where I met a friend to talk about school stuff.  Panera is an easy choice because I know what’s on the menu that’s good for me to have and that has some pretty nutrient-dense choices.  I ordered a cup of the black bean soup and ate about a third of the cup.  If you’ve ever been to a Panera, then you know they serve their soups and salads with a half a mini baguette.  It smelled fantastic, but I ignored it sitting there on the plate they brought my soup on.  I ate my soup, enjoyed it and boxed the rest up for home.  I’ll probably have it for breakfast in the morning with a little cheese.  Or I might scramble an egg and have a spoonful of beans mixed in with it…hmmmm, the possibilities!

Today, I am officially one month out of surgery.  And what a month it has been!

I’ll start with the latest Mind. Blown. moment that I’ve had in the past 31 days.

Tonight, I tried on a dress I’d bought for myself before surgery.  I knew that it would fit some time after I’d lost some weight because it was a size that I’d been at one point in my life and that I knew I’d be again.  My rationale?  I had to pass that size to get to the size I was before surgery, and I’d get back down to it again, and eventually pass it to get to the next size.  I’ve got a wedding to go to this weekend, and my husband asked me what I’d planned on wearing so that he could plan his outfit accordingly.  I told him I wasn’t sure but that I’d figure it out.  So I pulled this dress out, gave it a look and decided well, what the hell, let’s see if it fits.

Did you ever have an item of clothing that fit you like a glove and that made you look and feel awesome?  That’s what the dress I tried on did for me.  The cut of the dress coupled with the fabric it is made out of gave me a shape I have never seen in any item of clothing I’ve ever worn.  And yes, the dress has horizontal stripes and I’ve always heard (but ignored) the unwritten fashion rule about fat girls wearing horizontal stripes.  But then again, I largely ignore a lot of the unwritten fashion rules that society imposes on plus size women.

But…This. Dress.

The best part about this dress is not how I look in it.  It’s not how I feel in it.  It’s the fact that this dress is a size I have not worn in 26 years.  Not since I was confirmed back in 1987 have I worn a dress this size.  And THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is the best feeling in the whole world.

I had two epiphanies yesterday as I approached the month mark:

• I am officially 100 pounds lighter than my heaviest recorded weight.
• I am 28% of the way to my weight loss goal and 34% of the way to my doctor’s weight loss goal.

Both of these realizations Blew. My. Mind.

With my weight being 100 pounds less than my heaviest recorded weight, I am now officially at the bottom end of The Range.  I am at a weight I never thought I’d see again as an adult.  This is actually pretty exciting because it means that lower weights are coming soon, as long as my body doesn’t try to protest too much.  But I know it will, because it has before in every other attempt I’ve made to lose weight.  The difference is that now I have this awesome tool that is leveling the playing field for me.  I have also slowly built a toolbox of behavioral tools that I can use to cope with the challenges I face.  I didn’t have these things before, or at least I didn’t use them effectively because I simply didn’t know how.

When I step on the scale these days, I see hope and possibility, and both of those things are things I have never seen or felt before on a scale.  Ever.  It is a feeling I can’t describe, but I know that it fills my soul with joy and encouragement that I will get to my doctor’s goal.  More importantly, I will get to my goal.  That’s the one that matters most to me.

I am eager to see what the next 31 days brings.