So Hard

givingup-whykeepgoing

There have been multiple times in the past few days when I have just wanted to lay down and quit.  This has not been an easy row to hoe, that’s for sure.

I had been told by several people that the pre-op phase of this process was the most difficult, and now I know exactly what they meant.

This has not been a pleasant process so far.   I’m totally convinced that the pre-op diet was designed not only to shrink one’s liver, but was designed to test one’s mettle and mental readiness for the surgery ahead.  If those were secondary objectives, I think I’ve passed the test.

I’ve learned a few things along the way, though:

  • I really am lactose intolerant.  Pity, as some of the best protein shakes I’ve had during this time were made with milk.  The next few weeks are going to be tough, as the only protein drink I’m able to tolerate without causing me too much GI distress is orange Isopure Zero Carb.  And even it is starting to wear on me.
  • I have made it further along in this process than I ever thought possible.  I honestly didn’t believe that I could do this, and here I am, nearly done.  Monday is coming more quickly than I thought it would, and I am starting to feel more at peace with the decision I’ve made because I know that what awaits me on the other side has got to be better than life has been for the past 40 years in this body.
  • I truly do have the best husband a girl could ever ask for.  I can’t thank him enough for all the love and support he’s shown me during this time.  That, and he makes protein shakes taste tolerable. 🙂
  • I need more work on the inside me.  The work on the outside me is only beginning.  My surgeon is going to help that along tremendously come Monday.  But the inside me, the me in my head, she needs more work and will be a work in progress.  That process got a good kickstart today.

Some day I’ll fly, some day I’ll soar
Some day I’ll be so damn much more
‘Cause I’m bigger than my body gives me credit for
I’m bigger than my body now

Five more days.  Five more days and I’ll be on my way to being so much more.

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5 responses to “So Hard

  1. Have you tried the Unjury “chicken soup” protein mix yet? I don’t know if it has dairy ingredients–I do know it’s vegetarian–and it was a godsend when I was dealing with “sweety-sweet protein shake” fatigue. Good luck and congratulations on your progress so far. I think you’re going to be an amazing patient.

  2. You are so right, the PRE op phase is truly the hardest part of this journey, and it really is , I believe , designed to prepare you mentally for the journey ahead. You’re doing great and sound so ready for the new you, as you begin this life changing and life saving surgery. Best wishes for a speedy and pain and problem free surgery and recovery! You will be soaring in no time!

  3. Hang in there – you are doing great!! I’m so excited for you that surgery is only a few days away… crazy!!! Before you know it, you’ll be 8 weeks out like I am thinking “Where did the time go!?!??!” LOL!

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