Today is T-minus 3 days and counting until I begin my pre-op diet. I’m beginning it a week early, as the week I am supposed to begin it I will be teaching workshops to adults. As I told my teaching partner, “I’d rather not be in carb withdrawal and bitchy while I’m trying to teach these people!” So I’m going to start a week early to get the withdrawal out of my system. I figure it can’t hurt anything to begin a week early, and whatever I can do to lose a little more weight before surgery will be a good thing for both me and my surgeon.
But before I start the first stage of the next stage of the rest of my life, I decided that I wanted to have a few “last meals” so to speak.
Living where I do, there is an overabundance of good places to get your grub on, and I’ve tried many of them–to the chagrin of my waistline and wallet! I wanted to visit a few of these places, have a last “regular” meal and be done with that. Essentially, I’ve been having small “food funerals,” as they are often referred to. Earlier today, someone posted to the OH VSG forum about how they felt as though they were in mourning about foods that they would not be able to eat in the future and asked if that was normal. People responded by saying that yes, this was normal and that perhaps the fact that the original poster was in the throes of carb withdrawal, the feelings she was having were more intense.
The way I am choosing to look at my “food funerals” is this—I’m in a bad relationship with the things I’m eating, and this is my way of saying goodbye. By eating these last meals, it’s my way of making a clean break with certain foods that trigger overeating for me. Such things include:
- chips (especially if there are things to dip them in)
- French fries
These are all things that if set in front of me, I’ll eat mindlessly until I am uncomfortably full. Note that every single one of them is laden with carbohydrates. These are all things that after I am sleeved, I will be unable to eat in any quantity, because if I do, then there is no room for protein which is an absolute necessity after surgery.
What I have not done while working through the food break-up is eat like there’s no tomorrow. I’ve read that some folks do that–they eat and eat until they are completely uncomfortable. They’ll go out and buy a bag of cookies and eat the whole thing in one fell swoop. I am pleased to say that I’ve not managed to do that. I’ve finally (!) learned to listen to my current stomach and figure out when I am full enough, so I push the fork and plate away and stop eating. I eat my plate of food and then stop because I really hate how eating until over-full makes me feel both physically and mentally.
I suppose I’m trying to enjoy eating meals while I still am able to because I know that for a long, long while I won’t be able to eat truly solid foods for 3 squares a day. My 3 squares will soon become 5-6 small meals a day, and they will be liquid-based at first, then slowly graduate to being various stages of solid food, sort of like how babies progress through different foods. I know that eventually I will get to eat solid foods, but I’m not sad about the fact that it will be a while before I do.
I’m looking forward to the fact that I will only be able to eat a couple of tablespoons of food at first. I’m looking forward to not being hungry all the time. I’m looking forward to being forced to stop eating because my new stomach requires small quantities of food. Most of all, I’m looking forward to reclaiming my health.
So for the next couple of days, I’m going to have my “last regular meals” at some of my favorite places in the Metroplex and enjoy the hell out of them because the hard work begins Monday.