Anticipating Changes

I’ve been thinking about this surgery and all the changes that will follow. There is so much I’m looking forward to. Some of the things I’m looking forward to are things I used to be able to do, and some of them are things I’ve never been able to do or enjoy because of my weight. Does that mean I’ve put my life on hold?

Hardly. If I had done that, I would not have accomplished half the things I have in my life–a marriage to a loving, supportive husband, solid friendships with legions of the best friends a girl could ask for, and a professional career in education that has so far exceeded any expectations I had going in.   This life has been good to me indeed, but I firmly believe that post-surgery, life will be even sweeter than it already has been.  And I anticipate being able to do and be so much more than I already am.  So I thought I’d start a list and just add to it from time to time.

Things I anticipate being able to do, post-surgery:

• Sleep better.
• Move around without my knees and back being in constant pain.
• Get off my blood pressure medication.
• Get off my diabetes medication.
• Take the stairs without hearing my knees crunch too much.
• Wear clothes whose size begins with a “1” and not a “2” or “3.”
• Control portion sizes as they should be.
• Not be hungry even after eating a meal.
• Fly on a plane without a seatbelt extender.
• Fit into a plane seat without taking up space on either side of me.
• Do yoga without being in excruciating pain with every pose.
• Have the stamina to truly stand all day while teaching.
• Walk at a brisk pace with a friend and have a conversation without being short of breath.
• Not be the biggest girl in the room.
• Go on long walks without getting tired quickly.
• Fly kites again so I can chase after them.
• Not worry about whether or not a chair or a wall-hung toilet will hold me up.
• Play tennis again (I used to play when I was a kid).
• Play golf again (I learned to play in college).
• Dance with my husband.  Would you believe we’ve never done this?  Our bellies are too big to do this effectively or properly.
• Hug around my husband’s body, because right now we can’t do this without bending awkwardly.
• Run.  I so very badly want to be a runner.  I can’t describe why, but it is a goal of mine.
• Be more flexible.
• Be able to shop in stores that most average women shop in on a regular basis and take for granted.
• Wear knee-high boots.  I’ve always wanted a pair!
• See my toes.
• Be able to give myself a pedicure.
• Climb and hike.
• Not use my gut as a shelf for holding things while I sit.
• Cross my legs while sitting.
• Sit on the floor and then be able to get up without any help.
• Squat down.

This list isn’t complete by any means, but it’s a start.  It gives me something to look forward to.  It also gives me something to look back on during that first post-op week when I’ll be in excruciating pain (from the incisions, stitches and gas), wondering what the hell I did to myself as I sip on my clear liquids, suck on my sugar-free popsicles, and walk, walk, walk.  I have to remind myself that what I am about to do to myself will be worth all the hurt I’ll go through that first couple of weeks.

It will be so worth it.